Going through a divorce is tough, really tough. Going through a divorce during the holidays is excruciating. Every- thing you have known about the holidays changes, and if you have children it is com- plicated exponentially. There are few situations that inspire more anxiety than figuring holiday schedules for children and planning how you will fill the hours while they are with their other parent. Even if you do not have children, the holi- days represent a death of the norm. may feel like you have had a gi- ant bomb thrown into your life, learning to live in the moment can help you get out of bed, put your feet on the floor, and start all over again. The first step is learning to breathe again. Yes, you heard me, breathe. When is the last time that you took a really deep breath? When we are anxious and grieving we actually forget to breathe. When we focus our attention on our breath, and really notice how luxurious it feels to throw our heads back and take a deep belly breath, Grieving is normal and natural we become engaged in the pro- during this season. Your sin- cess of life again. gleness is magnified by images of happy couples gathered with Remembering the lit- their happy children around tle things that we love the tree, while you try to figure how you will pay for gifts and about the holidays is a groceries on an income that has big step towards learn- been decimated. Not spending ing to thrive again. holiday time with the family that had become like your own A glass of eggnog in front of the can be a painful part of the loss fire, the twinkle of the lights at that no one acknowledges. night, the smell of the Christ- mas tree, the feel of the winter There is hope for you if you are chill on your cheeks when you going through a divorce dur- step outside in the morning are ing the holidays. Despite the all precious moments if we no- fact that nothing feels secure tice them. It is REALLY notic- until the divorce is final, you ing the little things, the special can learn to thrive during the moments that make for qual- ambiguity. I know that thriving ity holidays. When you string may sound like a stretch. If you together several special mo- are like many, you spend much ments, you have created a love- of the time curled up in bed ly day. Once you have created trying to sleep the time away a lovely day, then you have the until the divorce is final and all pattern for creating a delight- the arrangements are in place. ful holiday season. Learning to live mindfully can help you begin to appreciate Making new memories is an- your life again. Even though it other way to help you flour- ish during the season. Time with friends, a chance to travel, shopping or seeing a newly re- leased movie can all become thrilling adventures if you re- frame how you expect to ex- perience the holidays. Engag- ing with other single people or joining in celebration with an- other family can begin a tradi- tion that will provide you with beautiful memories. A nice bottle of wine and your pres- ence may be all that is required in return. If you are having a really dif- ficult time I recommend that you volunteer at a local soup kitchen or homeless shelter. There are people everywhere who are in need of encourage- ment, of a warm body to re- mind them that they still mat- ter, that they are important. It is amazing how connecting with those less fortunate than yourself can give you perspec- tive on your blessings. The game plan for thriving through the holidays as you are going through a divorce is to put one foot in front of the other. Do the next thing. Keep your mind in the moment. Do not think about the future; do not dwell on the past. Take a deep breath, and realize that right now, this very minute, is enough. Carolyn Tucker LAPC is a psy- chotherapist and life coach spe- cializing in pre and post divorce support and anxiety. To find out more go to www.carolyntucker- therapist.com.